Why Group Settings Can Feel Hard (and Why It’s Not Just You)
By Lisa Shanken
October 2, 2025
If you’ve ever felt drained, awkward, or “out of sync” in group settings, you’re not alone. Many neurodivergent people (autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, and beyond) find group conversations challenging. Plus, there’s science that backs this up (and I love science!):
- Masking & burnout: Research shows that many neurodivergent folks “mask” (hide their natural ways of communicating to fit in). This can cause stress, exhaustion, and even depression over time (Frontiers in Psychology, 2023).
- Group dynamics: A study of neurodivergent STEM students found that unclear roles, fast-paced discussions, and pressure to adapt to neurotypical styles often made collaboration harder (STEM Education Journal, 2024).
- Isolation in plain sight: Even while surrounded by people, many neurodivergent individuals report feeling invisible or disconnected if the environment doesn’t jive with the communication style that feels most comfortable to them.
The important part to remember is that there’s nothing “wrong” with you. Neurodivergent minds often just work a bit differently than neurotypical minds, so it’s all about finding ways to both adapt to new environments but also educating people on the best communication styles that work for your mind.
Tips for Making Group Settings Work for You
Before You Go
- Start small: Choose smaller groups or shorter events when possible. Put yourself into a few different situations to learn what feels best. This is also a great way to start to practice getting out of your own comfort zone.
- Prep phrases: Have 2–3 conversation starters ready (e.g., “What’s something fun you’ve been into lately?” “What type of music do you like?” “What are your favorite foods?”).
- Bring comfort items: Noise-canceling headphones, stim toys, or fidgets can help you self-regulate.
While You’re There
- Find your role: Some people like being the “listener,” others thrive as the “question-asker.” Pick what feels easiest for you until you start to feel more comfortable. There will be time later to take on different roles.
- Use anchors: If someone mentions an interest you share (a TV show, hobby, or game), lean into that—it’s an instant connection point. Be curious about what people mention that aligns with your interests. For example, if someone says they love movies and you also love movies, ask their favorite movie of all time.
- Give yourself breaks: It’s okay to step out, take deep breaths, or just listen instead of talking nonstop. These breaks can help you recharge and come up with new conversation starters too.
Afterward
- Follow up one-on-one: Send a message to someone you clicked with (“I liked hearing about your cooking—want to hang out and cook something soon?”).
- Reflect: Write down what felt good and what drained you. Over time, you’ll notice patterns and learn what works best for you in group settings.
Finding Your People
You don’t need to connect with everyone. Focus on finding your people—the ones who light you up instead of draining you.
- Interest-based groups: Hobby clubs, online communities, or fandom spaces often feel easier than “general” social settings.
- Neurodivergent-friendly spaces: Social Bloom is a wonderful community based group that holds groups in both Boulder and Denver that is inclusive, fun, and engages in different activities each week.
- Shared volunteering or causes: Helping at an animal shelter, advocacy group, or community event creates natural opportunities for connection around shared values and creates automatic conversation starts about the shared values/topics.
Remember
Group settings don’t have to mean hiding your true self. Connection is possible when you honor your own energy, pace, and style. Start with one or two strategies from above—and know that belonging doesn’t come from being “typical.” It comes from finding people who get you and you are awesome!
Lisa Shanken
My passion is to help you live your healthiest and most harmonious life, but in a way that’s realistic and practical for you as a unique individual on this planet. My philosophy is all about “balance,” never a diet since a diet is not sustainable for life, aka Kill The Diet.
Why Group Settings Can Feel Hard (and Why It’s Not Just You)
By Lisa Shanken
October 2, 2025
If you’ve ever felt drained, awkward, or “out of sync” in group settings, you’re not alone. Many neurodivergent people (autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, and beyond) find group conversations challenging. Plus, there’s science that backs this up (and I love science!): The important part to remember is that there’s nothing “wrong” with...
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Lisa’s weight loss plan really gave me a new insight to healthy eating and living. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2015. Healthy living/easting/exercise has become very important to me and my family and this program really helped me get even more on the course with this and helped me lose weight.
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When I heard about the 10 Day Weight Loss Challenge, I wasn’t sure if it would be a good fit, since as a physician, I understand nutrition and health (and therefore knew the dangers of fad diets, etc…), and I do my best to exercise (though not always enough). But as a single mother of 2, it’s still very challenging ti “fit in all in” (including cooking healthy meals for my children) due to my busy schedule. And when my time is short, bad habits crop up and weight gain follows.
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I worked with Lisa to develop a holistic wellness plan that has allowed personal growth without having to completely change my lifestyle. Her programs are designed around your personal needs, so I always feel like I've gotten the most from my sessions and leave with manageable goals. Lisa's three-prong approach to wellness (fitness, nutrition and health) is helping me live a balanced and grateful life.
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I’ve been through the ringer with different dieting plans through the years. Some helped me lose weight and some didn’t – but it didn’t matter because I would always gain it back. I didn’t know if this 10 day Weight Loss Challenge would be the answer since everyone says they have the “BEST” way to lose weight. But this one seemed to be more doable – like instead of starving myself, keeping track of calories (“been there done that – VERY annoying!”) and things I know I wouldn’t stick to.
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